technics2's blog

Yeah I get that all the time as well. In chats and private messages. Usually something like:
Them: Hi
Me: Hello
Them: How are you?
Me: Fine

Then as soon as the obligatory social niceties are out of the way..... dead silence.

They are the ones that initiate the conversation, but after saying hi it's like they expect me to lead the conversation or something. Are they not allowed to talk until I ask how they are back? Typically if I am messaging someone I just tell them the point of messaging in the opening message. As in "hey, I saw on your profile you were into X and I will be in your area soon" or something like that.

OK. I can see you were raised right. I started giving a hi back and if I get another ."Hi" I don't reply..

Language barrier.

Social skills barrier. I've messaged people in other languages using the web translator and copy paste. However, I keep getting this from a guy in Brazil and thought this might be a factor. I'm going to message mim next time in his language. Thanks

I'm very grateful that you wrote this post, Technics2.
I thought I was the only one who was bothered by this kind of behavior.

I agree with ChiFight: if one initiates a message with "Hi" or "Hey", and receives a similar reply back, it is then up to the original sender to move the conversation forward.

I so agree! "Hi" and nothing else is not a very helpful start to a conversation!

Hey there! Hi!

LOL. (In my Madea voice) "How YOU during?"

Haha.. sorry guys, I couldn't resist sending that..

Yeah, it rankles me no end too... Osakarob: you said it well. If you initiate a conversation, the onus is on you to move it forward. This especially so if the person who has messaged is fluent in that language.

I like Technics2' suggestion. Reply to a Hi with an Hi, and let the person messaging continue the convo.. or else (like it so often happens), let them log off abruptly.

For me, it's the people that I've been in touch with for a while who only ever message with a "How's you? Done any wrestling lately?" that cause my blood pressure to rise exponentially.

These people never volunteer anything about themselves. They never respond with anything interesting/funny or with any insight into what they get up to. Nor do they provide any information about matches they've had or watched on YT, even. But they expect me to tell them about my recent matches and whether or not I thought my opponent was any good.

They expect me to do all the work in the conversation and it suggests they'd expect me to do all the work in arranging and during a meet, too.

No. Just no.

I'd rather have no messages than log on and find several "How's you? Done any wrestling lately?" ones. Even better, I'd rather have messages that had some interesting content in them!

Now what I would do is start off with a, "Hey buddy. I had a great match with ....We did blank he was blank. Great guy if you get a chance to meet do so. Have you had any good matches worth mentioning?"

I think I get messages from the same man. I have finally got a little conversation out of him but it has been like drawing teeth. I even tried using Portuguese too. It is a pity as he may have more to say but it is frustrating.

I have had some of these messages especially from somebody in Brazil. I’m not sure if it’s a language barrier or not. When I replied to him to say that we didn’t have anything in common really he just responded with a “what?”. Even Google translate would’ve explained to him what I meant.

Like many others I do get annoyed when people are really just looking for me to write something for their benefit. This should be a two-way conversation. For me these empty responses are a hint that those people are not likely to be very interesting wrestlers! Cheers Mike

I actually added the line "monosyllabic messages are unlikely to receive a reply" on profile in response to the "hi" :"hey" messages.

The culprits may have a mental health issue such as asbergers, or the like, and this may affect their social interaction skills.

I wonder if we are being too harsh on some of these "offenders". We are all different: different upbringings, different cultural backgrounds, different levels of skills, be they lingual & verbal, physical etc

The man who doesn't or maybe can't say much in an online conversation could be an great guy AND an amazing wrestler to boot! Of course, the more loquacious member on here might get more attention and therefore more action too..

What's my point here? Maybe we should soften up some, and before brushing them off (or blocking them!) give people who have reached out to us another chance.

I think it's a very valid point you raise - and of course, we have to give everyone a fair chance here. You're totally right, we all have different strengths and weaknesses, different levels of communication skills, different levels of confidence, different wrestling abilities and so on. I couldn't agree more and that had already been factored in to my post (and I suspect it had in others, too)

But when the list of past opponents from these guys never seems to go up, when you've tried everything to set up a match, when you're getting the same content-free message several years down the line, it gets incredibly frustrating - so much so, that I suspended my account on this site for several months as I was getting so hacked off by it all.

I'm sure the world of wrestling didn't bat an eyelid at my absence - why would it, I'm nobody special, so please don't think I expected anybody to notice that I'd gone - they didn't.

But it got so tedious that it nearly drove me away from the site and the sport - and I've been *actively* wrestling for 10 years now (or something like that).

So yes, we should think of the people sending these messages. I absolutely agree. But we should think of those receiving them, too.

In case you were wondering, I don't (often) block as it - it can easily be countered by setting up a new account.

Good and appreciated reply. I will have more patience. This is why we post. To get another view on things. Thanks.

The same thing used to happen on AOL in the old m4m wrestling chat room, so at least in that case, not explained by language. I have long thought a subset of guys chatting about these things just don't pay attention to who they have chatted with, what they have chatted about, etc. They may be distracted by looking at pictures, videos, mental imagery, etc. Conversation was certainly not high on their to-do list. That is one thing I like about Meet Fighters: guys on here are much more communicative